June 24, 2014

Half in, half out. Though,
I.Am.Willing.
We three strands I braided to make one.
Distantly intimate.
     For you, I was Grandmother:
     and when I returned to only leave again,
     then-you felt ready to let go; complete.
The smallest connection can be all that is necessary, and more.

I Had a Dream.

He was present, he was whole--
He was Home.
It was him, but really he had never been that shadow.
He never got there with me.
It was all a dream.
I woke up quickly,
I gasped
and my eyelids popped open
and the lighting changed.
Then, the melody came in, and I sobbed.

He had never seen Me.

"All of me, loves all of you."
"Set fire to the rain,
it's the last time."
"if only NY weren't so far away,
when you're scared and alone,
just know that I'm already
home."
"We knew this day would come,
how did it come so fast?
I will have to slip away."
"that's just how I feel
tryin' to be something real,
trying to reach a place that I can see."
"leave my heart open
and it stays right here in its cage.
the story of my life."
"I've been waiting for this
time to come around."
"unravel my latest mistake,
winter just wasn't my season.
you can't jump a track...
cradle your head in your hands,
and just breathe.
If I get it all down on paper,
it no longer threatens me:
I feel naked."
"because I'm happy; happiness is the truth."
I should probably warn you,
I'll be just fine.
Can't nuttin' bring me down,
Love is good. Clap along.
if that's what you want to do."
"set the tone
won't you let me know?
this love is a blaze,
one small act of kindness
I need you, Darling."
"the bough breaks,
and it came down with a crash
a love letter:
tell the world,
that we finally got it all right.
we choose.
you found me, then everything changed
we'll learn from our mistakes,
as long as it takes--
I am not scared,
I choose You."


***

I know this place,
I have been here before.
Stay a while and maybe
next time won't hurt as much,
next time, will.be.lighter.

Ready and Willing

...and I realize: I'm ready and waiting for You.
I want to receive You; I'm here in my place, in my life, with my arms reached out, palms open with
     my fingers extended, wanting the weight of your presence in the center of my palms.
It is You that I want, that I wrap my fingers around and hold onto.
Your essence is the small, dark place between my curled fingers and cupped palms that
I endlessly hold onto while I wait for your return.
My body moves:
     searches, squirms and continues to explore
while my hands stay steadfast,
unwilling to let go of You.
I.am.ready.